This isn’t my usual post on thanksgiving. Probably, cuz I’m not feeling so thankful. Sure. I appreciate what I have, but I do that every day. A lot of people don’t, but I truly do. Today, I really can’t help but feel shame on others. They literally take this one day to realize what they have and it’s pathetic. one day, they curse it, and then today they have enough selflessness in their heart to appreciate it. Well, fuck off. You know how many times I would have loved to have what you have? Yah, you better appreciate all of the people on your life, cuz one day they really might realize you’re only thankful for them when it’s expected. How about you care when no ones looking.
I miss you so much today. I don’t even understand how I can feel this way anymore. Bouncing back is usually so simple, but with you, it seems impossible. I try so hard, and sometimes I almost think I’ve done it. Gotten over you. But then I have a day like this, and I don’t know how i’ll ever be able to stop feeling this pain I feel without you. It’s indescribable. Today I woke up to your face in my mind, just like every day, but instead of fighting it away, my mind just stayed there with you. Sunk into my heart, and buried its self there. This deep, deep, deep pain. Every where I look is a memory. And every word in my mind connects to you. I just don’t know how to escape this empty place. Imagine everything in your world is connected to the one thing that means the most to you, but is impossible for you to obtain. There’s nothing more painful.
I walked into the room where I first knew I loved you…. Leaned against the wall where I used to watch you smile at me… And cried. Just broke down. Emptied my heart right into my hands. How can there be any tears left? It seems impossible. I feel like I could fill oceans with the tears of emptiness I’ve cried. There’s nothing in this world I wouldn’t give to have you look at me and smile like you used to do. The comfort of your love made my fears disappear, and without it, I only feel lost and alone. You made me feel whole. Nothing can fill the place you left behind.